Some Things Better Left Unspoken II

It's not the kisses that he's scared of
It's not the sex that he's afraid of
It's the feeling
That feeling that might
Crawl back up again to his heart
The feeling that he himself has no control over it

It's all became clear now
When he saw her
There's no more connection
There's no more sparks that usually burns between them
When he saw her eyes
It's....empty
There is no love
There is no fire whatsoever
It's just....eyes that did not glows back at him

That hurts him
He's so sad
He had to live knowing that
The girl he love
Is no longer loves him
He tried to cry in the night
Beside her, while she was deep in her sweet, sweet dreams
He couldn't
So he prayed

Sure it was beautiful in the morning
Seems like God gave him permission
To at least feel her touch
They cuddled
One thing led to another...
It was not on his plan though
He was just caressing her
Secretly loving her from his deepest heart
He's enjoying every second of it
Breathe in and breathe out
Because that, could be the last moment
That he's able to feel her touch again

Oh the kiss
It was different though
It's lust
Not love like it used to
He pretended not to care
But he did notice

She left
So he's alone now
Again
In his room
Looking back to the things that just happened
Pathetic, right?

Before she left she told him
Not to go out again by himself
Because he seemed depressed and stuff
He didn't understand
He thought
"You left me alone, and now you dare telling me not to go out by myself?"
"What am I supposed to do then? Kill myself?"

Oh he did try
Went out with some girls
But....
That just made him sad
Because...
Those girls
They didn't know what he's talking about
They have different preferences
They didn't share the same taste in music
Jokes that he told them, they did not understand any of it!

That made him questioned himself
"Will I ever be able to get past her?"
"Can I at least get her out of my head for just a minute?"
"Can I live the rest of my life not loving her?"
"What if......What if someday we're back together again?"

All those thoughts and questions
Confuses him
That no matter how hard he tries
He would just go back to her
Over and over again
Until one moment, everything stops
All those thoughts stops flowing to his head
And he whisper to himself

"Shit, I will always love her, won't I?"

Some Things Better Left Unspoken

He said to himself
"Yes, this is the right way"
He was so convinced
That it's going to work out
He was ready
So ready
That he sacrificed his biggest, most beautiful memories

He kept thinking
"We're better off this way"
Convincing himself
Non stop
That this probably the best way to continue living
Life that is hollow
With emptiness
And loneliness
While eating up those karma that has been waiting to get him

Sometimes he cried at night
Well, after all he's still human
With feelings
He cried over all the things that happened to him
No one to blame
But himself
Then he fell asleep
Only to find her in his dreams
Every....day
Woke up with sadness
Again and again
So he has to restart every thing from the beginning
He's okay with it
Cause he can't do anything about it

One day she said she have had enough
She's tired of trying
She's done
....
Oh yes indeed he's broken
He thought
"I'm so selfish"
"But I'm the only one I've got"
With anger and sadness overwhelming his mind and heart
He lay himself on the bed
Trying so hard not to lose to himself
Trying so hard not to cry...again
Because he's tired of it

Like I told you
He has his reason
And he's the reason she have had enough of him
He just....
He just didn't have the guts to tell her what his reason was
Yup

He was terrified
He was weak
That if he see her wonderful charm
Her charismatic attitude
Her beautiful face
Her sweet smile
He might lose it
All those walls that he built for months
He just...
He did not want to wreck that
Did you know how hard that is
To build something so strong
So tall and so thick
Only to get destroyed
Because there's this little crack
That with just a very tiny bit of touch
Could tear the whole thing apart?
Can you imagine building that thing again?
From scratch?

He's just...
He love her too much
Yes
After all this time he still love her
That's the only reason
That he chose to do this
He knows exactly what this very person
Capable to do, to him to be exact
Now, the damage is there
He is now deeper in the abyss of misery
That he could not feel anything anymore
He started to question himself
"Why did I do those terrible things?"
Only to find the answer that he was not hoping to see

"Because I love her"

What's Good

To Have Love
Something Special
Something That Won't Come Twice In Life
Hurt it
Left A Scar
Destroy 'Em
What's Good Of It?

To Have Fire
Fuels it
Make It Big
Uncontrollable
Get Burnt By It
Make Everything Scorched
Left With Nothing
What's Good Of It?

To Have Love
Cherish It
Embrace It
Have Sex
Lose Count Of Everything
Lose Control
Make Mistakes
Disappointed
Get Left Behind
What's Good Of It?

To Have Desperation
Feel The Agony
Drink Some More
Endless Nights Of Mourning
Realization
Get Back Up
Become Stronger
What's Good Of It?

Seriously
What's Good Of It?

Y

Why?
What happened?
It's not like I'm not trying

Why?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I disappoint you?
Am I hurting your feelings?

Why?
Did I deserve this?
Am I not good enough?
Did I miss anything?

Why?
Shouldn't I supposed to heal myself?
Shouldn't I supposed to be alone?
Should I not be worried about being left alone?

Why?
It turned into horrifying things to ask
It became even more scarier to answer
It became trauma

Zulkifliemansyah

The image of strict and cold politician disappeared when we had the chance to meet Dr. Zulkieflimansyah at his residence in BSD, Tangerang (6/6). He wore a white t-shirt with brown trousers. He put down his smartphone when he saw us, then he smiled as he greeted us warmly. However, beside the his relaxed attitude, Pak Zul, that is how we address him, said that he is more happy if people do not talk about his privacy. He state that with serious expression.

Pak Zul was born in Sumbawa Besar, May 18 1972. He got Bachelor of Economics degree from Faculty of Economi, University of Indonesia. He also finished his postgraduate in Strathclyde Business School, University of Strathclyde in United Kingdom.  On 1997, he got MSc degree in International Marketing from Department of Marketing, while on 1998 Pak Zul also followed postgraduate program in Industrialization, Trade, and Economic Policy in Department of Economics. Pak Zul finally finished his doctoral studies in the same department on 2001. Up until now, while becoming the politician in People’s Consultative Assembly and People’s Representative Council (MPR/DPR) in Senayan, Pak Zul also still teaches in University of Indonesia for under graduate, postgraduate, and doctoral studies. Pak Zul comes from Prosperous Justice Party (Partai Keadilan Sejahtera/PKS) and he is in Comission of VII for energy and mineral.

Even though Pak Zul stated that he does not like if his privacy is being exposed, but his website already becomes the appropriate and complete source about him. On this website, the visitors can find some news related with Pak Zul, video, and even his schedule as the politican in MPR/DPR. Furthermore, Pak Zul also stated that he taught students overseas because at the same time he also studied there, but it can be seen that education becomes his main attention.

Surprisingly, Pak Zul allowed us to visit one of his schools in BSD, Sinar Cendekia. However, he admitted that Sinar Cendekia is the result of collaboration from many parties.  Besides Sinar Cendekia, Pak Zul also becomes the rector for Sumbawa University of Technique (Universitas Teknik Sumbawa/UTS). When we got there, the combination between Arab and modern decorations became our main attraction.  

“Let’s go to my office,” he said. Do not imagine an ordinary office room with the desk and stacks of paper because Pak Zul’s office is “only” a gazebo made from bamboo with the bookshelves with many English books surrounding inside the gazebo. In front of the Pak Zul’s office, there is the overlay of land filled with cornfield and horses.

Horses?

Yes. One of students’ in Sinar Cendekia’s extracurricular is riding the horse. Not only that, there are cows, hens, and even rabbits. There is also a river that limits between Pak Zul’s office and the land. “All of the horses are from Sumbawa,” he explained. At first he had the stable in Ciputat, but because of the traffic in Tangerang, he then moved all of his horses to the land behind the school. The air in this school is so fresh; it seems that we are in the village.

Education seems to be the other side of Pak Zul. We admit that Sinar Cendekia has different approach on enriching the nation, because besides the international curriculum, all of the students in this school also have to have good relationship with the nature. That is something that only certain schools in Indonesia can have.

Speaking of credibility of being the member of People’s Consultative Assembly and People’s Representative Council (MPR/DPR), Pak Zul is very credible of being that. It shows from the degrees that he owns. Base on what degrees that he held, we could tell that Pak Zul is a very intelligent and smart man. To be a representative in People’s Consultative Assembly and People’s Representative Council (MPR/DPR) who represents the people who will solve this country’s problems, it’s a must for the member of the People’s Consultative Assembly and People’s Representative Council (MPR/DPR) to be as Intelligent as possible

Another Reason why Pak Zul is a very credible man of being the member of People’s Consultative Assembly and People’s Representative Council (MPR/DPR) is how he answered my question regarding on how member of People’s Consultative Assembly and People’s Representative Council (MPR/DPR) should be like. He stated, “to be in the member of People’s Consultative Assembly and People’s Representative Council (MPR/DPR), one must be filled with content. Without contents, how can they solve this country’s problems? That is why I studied hard; I studied abroad to get that content which I can use now to help solving this country’s problem. Now can you imagine if the member of People’s Consultative Assembly and People’s Representative Council (MPR/DPR) who doesn’t have that contents that are required to solve this country’s problem? They will be all sleeping inside the building without helping anything. The country’s problem is not a light problem. “

By seeing the answer that Pak Zul gave to us, we can easily say that Pak Zul is a capable person to help the country’s solve its problem. With that being said, Pak Zul is definitely considered as the person who has the contents and is the right person to sit in the building of People’s Consultative Assembly and People’s Representative Council (MPR/DPR) as the member of it.

The Conspiracy Behind Cebongan Killing?

 Recently, there were Kopassus that allegedly were shooting four men in the cell. That four men was thugs that being accused of killing the colleague of the Kopassus themselves. The killing was suspected as the motive of ‘Indonesia free of thugs’ that being repercussion by the TNI. These four thugs are supposedly to undergo their trial before entering the court, but unfortunately for them, the Kopassus were ended their life before they set their feet in the courtroom.

Did someone legitimately plan this killing? Why was the guards at the prison did not notice the Kopassus appearance? Didn’t they bring their guns? Is this a conspiration? Whatever this is, this causes an issue in our country recently. This issue is being connected with the next 2014 election. The former Kopassus chief Prabowo Subianto, who will run for the presidential election is being connected with the issue since he was with the Kopassus which means he still have a good connection in the institution.

Back there in the New Order with Soeharto as the president, Indonesia was literally in below of an iron hand leader. There is no such freedom as we had now because the government was controlling the information. Also, back then there was no such thing as thugs because there were petrus (penembak misterius) that ready to kill them who caused trouble in the country. Yes we cannot deny that back in Soeharto’s regime, the country security is undoubtedly was the most secure since Indonesia’s proclamation. Our beloved country Indonesia was a military country back then, military was the one who take control of this national security. Now all of that job were given to the POLRI (Polisi Republik Indonesia) who actually it is TNI’s job to defend the country not the police.

And now Prabowo Subianto who dubbed to be become the next Soeharto (if he get elected) is rising to the surface. He predicted to bring this country back like Soeharto’s New Order but in a more modern way. If ever Prabowo bring back the New Order era back into Indonesia now, of course we will have no reason to feel insecure, to be afraid when we walked alone at night but, also a lot of people will feel locked up with these type of governmental. There will be no such freedom in this country like we are having now. Our country is slowly being ‘militarionized’ or trying to be a military country again.

This raised the issue of the Cebongan Killing, where it seems to be the military wanted to take control over the nation again. We could say this as one of Petrus’s form. How could I say that Military wanted or trying to take control the country again? Have you ever see a sing that says ‘bebaskan Indonesia dari premanisme’ or ‘let us free the country from thugs’? Usually this sign were easily spotted in the bridge to cross the road. Some issue said that this sign were donated by the TNI, but they were denial that they did this. These signs that decorates several cities in our country left a big question mark in our head, who sponsored all of these signs?

I guess its just not rationally acceptable if the TNI deny to say that they were donated the signs, because why would some random people or lets say a political party who wanted this to be happen, what are their motives? As long as I know, thugs were usually being used to collect money on several places in Indonesia, for instance prostitution, parking freely in the shoulder of the roads, drug dealers etc. These thugs deliver a serious amount of money, and why would someone want to take them down, whereas thugs are also taking security of their particular territory.

These thugs that shot by the Kopassus was still under their trial before entering the court. It doesn’t matter if you are a thugs, a police or whatever it is, you still have rights in the country and it is their rights to undergo their trial before entering the court to be processed by the law later on. Kopassus were being vigilante on these thugs, they did not follow the law in Indonesia, just like back in the New Order Era where every criminality that happens in the road will be shot down dead by Petrus.

Do we want these to be taking control of our country? I guess it is better to have a country that runs by an ex military because they know how to defend and making sure that their country is secure. Not to mention that Prabowo will take us there, but let us hope that Indonesia can go back like Soeharto’s New Order Era where every thing is under control and no one is playing games with the country

Millyona

Berdiri Di Kejauhan
Seperti Peri
Yang Turun Dari Khayangan
Melenggang
Membuat Tertohok
Orang Yang Melihatnya

Dia Bagaikan Mutiara Langka
Berkilau
Cemerlang
Indah
Mungkin Hanya Satu Dalam Satu Abad
Membuat Orang Yang Menemukannya
Akan Pasti Terbeliak Matanya

Jikalau Aku Seorang Pengembara di Gurun
Pastilah Kau Oasis di Tengah Gurun
Bukan Fatamorgana Belaka
Namun Nyata Apa Adanya
Kehadiranmu Menyenangkan Hati
Senyumanmu Segarkan Perasaan
Canda Tawamu Bersihkan Permasalahan

Seperti Bintang
Walau Banyak Cahaya Di Siang Hari
Sinarmu Tetap Terlihat
Disaat Gelap
Sinarmulah Yang Terangkan Langitku
Sinarmu Tak Akan Pernah Padam
Tak Peduli Apapun Cuacanya

Mungkin Saja Mereka Berkata
Aku Mengada-ada
Aku Hanya Tersenyum
Karena Aku Tahu Apa Yang Kukatakan
Dan Apa Yang Kurasakan
Kurasa
Mereka Hanya Ingin Tahu
Bahwa....
Kau Nyata, Millyona

P.S : Nih! puisinya buat lo. Semoga ngerti kiasan-kiasan dan artinya ya hahaha. oiya,sebelumnya maap nih nyolong photo nya dari Instagram :P (biar bagus nih). Oh, BTW Happy Birthday yaa qaqa :D anggep aja ini hadiahnya ya :P, mana tau suka. hoho peace :D