Some Things Better Left Unspoken II

It's not the kisses that he's scared of
It's not the sex that he's afraid of
It's the feeling
That feeling that might
Crawl back up again to his heart
The feeling that he himself has no control over it

It's all became clear now
When he saw her
There's no more connection
There's no more sparks that usually burns between them
When he saw her eyes
It's....empty
There is no love
There is no fire whatsoever
It's just....eyes that did not glows back at him

That hurts him
He's so sad
He had to live knowing that
The girl he love
Is no longer loves him
He tried to cry in the night
Beside her, while she was deep in her sweet, sweet dreams
He couldn't
So he prayed

Sure it was beautiful in the morning
Seems like God gave him permission
To at least feel her touch
They cuddled
One thing led to another...
It was not on his plan though
He was just caressing her
Secretly loving her from his deepest heart
He's enjoying every second of it
Breathe in and breathe out
Because that, could be the last moment
That he's able to feel her touch again

Oh the kiss
It was different though
It's lust
Not love like it used to
He pretended not to care
But he did notice

She left
So he's alone now
Again
In his room
Looking back to the things that just happened
Pathetic, right?

Before she left she told him
Not to go out again by himself
Because he seemed depressed and stuff
He didn't understand
He thought
"You left me alone, and now you dare telling me not to go out by myself?"
"What am I supposed to do then? Kill myself?"

Oh he did try
Went out with some girls
But....
That just made him sad
Because...
Those girls
They didn't know what he's talking about
They have different preferences
They didn't share the same taste in music
Jokes that he told them, they did not understand any of it!

That made him questioned himself
"Will I ever be able to get past her?"
"Can I at least get her out of my head for just a minute?"
"Can I live the rest of my life not loving her?"
"What if......What if someday we're back together again?"

All those thoughts and questions
Confuses him
That no matter how hard he tries
He would just go back to her
Over and over again
Until one moment, everything stops
All those thoughts stops flowing to his head
And he whisper to himself

"Shit, I will always love her, won't I?"

Some Things Better Left Unspoken

He said to himself
"Yes, this is the right way"
He was so convinced
That it's going to work out
He was ready
So ready
That he sacrificed his biggest, most beautiful memories

He kept thinking
"We're better off this way"
Convincing himself
Non stop
That this probably the best way to continue living
Life that is hollow
With emptiness
And loneliness
While eating up those karma that has been waiting to get him

Sometimes he cried at night
Well, after all he's still human
With feelings
He cried over all the things that happened to him
No one to blame
But himself
Then he fell asleep
Only to find her in his dreams
Every....day
Woke up with sadness
Again and again
So he has to restart every thing from the beginning
He's okay with it
Cause he can't do anything about it

One day she said she have had enough
She's tired of trying
She's done
....
Oh yes indeed he's broken
He thought
"I'm so selfish"
"But I'm the only one I've got"
With anger and sadness overwhelming his mind and heart
He lay himself on the bed
Trying so hard not to lose to himself
Trying so hard not to cry...again
Because he's tired of it

Like I told you
He has his reason
And he's the reason she have had enough of him
He just....
He just didn't have the guts to tell her what his reason was
Yup

He was terrified
He was weak
That if he see her wonderful charm
Her charismatic attitude
Her beautiful face
Her sweet smile
He might lose it
All those walls that he built for months
He just...
He did not want to wreck that
Did you know how hard that is
To build something so strong
So tall and so thick
Only to get destroyed
Because there's this little crack
That with just a very tiny bit of touch
Could tear the whole thing apart?
Can you imagine building that thing again?
From scratch?

He's just...
He love her too much
Yes
After all this time he still love her
That's the only reason
That he chose to do this
He knows exactly what this very person
Capable to do, to him to be exact
Now, the damage is there
He is now deeper in the abyss of misery
That he could not feel anything anymore
He started to question himself
"Why did I do those terrible things?"
Only to find the answer that he was not hoping to see

"Because I love her"

What's Good

To Have Love
Something Special
Something That Won't Come Twice In Life
Hurt it
Left A Scar
Destroy 'Em
What's Good Of It?

To Have Fire
Fuels it
Make It Big
Uncontrollable
Get Burnt By It
Make Everything Scorched
Left With Nothing
What's Good Of It?

To Have Love
Cherish It
Embrace It
Have Sex
Lose Count Of Everything
Lose Control
Make Mistakes
Disappointed
Get Left Behind
What's Good Of It?

To Have Desperation
Feel The Agony
Drink Some More
Endless Nights Of Mourning
Realization
Get Back Up
Become Stronger
What's Good Of It?

Seriously
What's Good Of It?

Y

Why?
What happened?
It's not like I'm not trying

Why?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I disappoint you?
Am I hurting your feelings?

Why?
Did I deserve this?
Am I not good enough?
Did I miss anything?

Why?
Shouldn't I supposed to heal myself?
Shouldn't I supposed to be alone?
Should I not be worried about being left alone?

Why?
It turned into horrifying things to ask
It became even more scarier to answer
It became trauma